Helen Rowland was an American Journalist and Humorist. She wrote a number of books containing witty observations about women and men. She was the author of A Book of Conversations: The Digressions of Polly (1905), The Widow (1908), Reflections of A Bachelor Girl (1909), The sayings of Mrs. Solomon;: Being the confessions of the seven hundredth wife as revealed to Helen Rowland (1913) and
A Guide To Men: Being Encore Reflections of a Bachelor Girl (1922), If, A Chant for Wives also The White Woman's Burden (1927) and The Rubaiyat Of A Bachelor
Here are some of her best quotes:
A fool and her money are soon courted.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Variety is the spice of love.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
In the mathematics of matrimony two plus a baby equals a family; two plus a mother-in-law equals a mob; and two plus an affinity equals—a divorce.
A man's wife is something like his teeth, in that he seems to be aware of her presence only when it becomes annoying or painful.
After two years, an engagement doesn't need to be broken; it just naturally sags in the middle and comes apart.
A woman wastes more time in dreaming over a past flirtation than it would take a man to start a half dozen new ones.
Never question him about his past love affairs. It is not the women he has loved, but those he has not yet loved, who will bother you.
Many a good husband hasn't the nerve or the courage to be anything else.
Never forget that marriage should be a privilege, not a prison; home a refectory, not a reformatory; and wives jolliers, and not jailers.
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.
An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition and his wife in the country.
It is quite correct to send your former husband a gift on the anniversary of your divorce, in remembrance of "the many happy days which you have spent—apart.